I am fortunate to live in a beautiful part of Connecticut and enjoy the blessings of nature that surround me. On a recent hike, I looked to the left and saw a mama deer and three of her babies in a clearing. I stopped to take this in, feeling our souls connect, and whispered softly, "Hey, Mama. I got you!"

Mama Deer Protective of Her Fawns — Though not a great photo, you can see how she stared at me with unmistakable wariness – her whole body language communicating ***don't mess with my babies***!

In that moment, I completely connected with this mother dear. I thought of how protective I am of my own babies (now adults) and my adolescent and young adult clients, who in an indirect way feel like “my” children, and who I also feel protective of.

That deer and I shared something universal – the mama bear instinct. Mama to mama, we understood each other completely.

When Mama Bears Roar the Loudest

I've been reading the book Autism Out Loud by Kate Swenson, Carrie Cariello, and Adrian Wood. Each of these moms has a child who is autistic and speaks about their journey with their sons with vulnerability and raw honesty. They've all had to become fierce advocates for their children – being the Mama Bears they never expected or even wanted to be.

Autism Out Loud by Carrie Cariello, Kate Swenson and Adrian Wood — **Purchase Autism Out Loud Here**:
***Note****: When you purchase a book through the link above a portion is donated to*
*Sky's the Limit Fund* *to support students needing mental health treatment.*

*I highly recommend this book by Carrie Cariello, Kate Swenson, and Adrian Wood even if your child isn’t autistic.*

Though each of their children has significant disabilities, more than most of our clients, their stories paralleled those of our families – the grief, self-doubt, loneliness, and the advocacy. Every day I am wowed by my clients, who are Mama and Papa Bears – selfless, willing to sacrifice an arm or leg, if only to ease the burden of their struggling child.

Kate describes herself as "wife, mother and advocate – unapologetic. Life that demands bravery and a boy that deserves it." She recognizes that autism is the suitcase she carries every day, though the heaviness is often changing requiring her a to adapt accordingly.

Kate beautifully captures the grief associated with having a child with a disability: "In periods of grief, it feels like we have been given a box of darkness to unpack and cope with, often without guidance. His struggles are the darkness, the cruelty of the world is the darkness... he is the light, the gift."

In the beginning of the book, Kate shared that the parenting manual for a child who struggles got lost in the mail – the one that told her what to do. This is something my clients tell me time and time again – that parenting their children has been harder than anything they ever anticipated. Their child's journey felt harder than others, and they felt certain that they didn't have the answers or the tools to help their child. Rebekah and I hope, that when you hire us, that we are providing you with the guidance, the answers and the tools, to ease your feeling confusion and fear, to be the compass for your journey … so that you can reflect more on your child’s light – the gift they have given you.

Lessons That Transcend Diagnosis

What struck me most reading this book was that the authors' advice transcends autism. Their wisdom applies to all of us navigating the challenges of raising children who struggle – whether with learning differences, ADHD, anxiety, or any of the countless ways our children need extra support. This is their guidance:

Trust Your Gut – Sometimes you must make "respectful noise." I love how they use the word “respectful” because it will be the “respect” that you offer professionals (who, by virtue of their training, think they know better than you or that you are just a hyper-anxious mom) that will disarm their defenses, thereby allowing them to “hear” you. Ignore doctors who tell you that you're worrying for no reason – that your child is perfectly fine. You know if something is amiss. Listen to your gut. The earlier you get services for your child, the better. No one is a better advocate for your child than you.

Your Child Is Exactly Who They're Supposed to Be – Receiving your child's diagnosis doesn't change them. They are still exactly the same beautiful human with their own purpose as before you received the diagnosis. Your child is unique and their path is theirs alone. Let your child show you the way – they will guide you in the path innately conveying their needs -- meet them where they are.

Look for the Helpers – They are out there, walking the same journey as you.

It's Not Going to Be Perfect or Easy, But It Is Going to Be Okay – This resonated with me above all. Having been to hell and back with my own children, it was the seed of hope in me that sustained me through the challenging times. And it was true – all ended up being more than okay, not what I envisioned or had originally hoped for, but definitely okay.

Build Your Community

What I've learned from these authors and from my own experience: sometimes the most protective thing we can do is build a village around our children and ourselves. My village sustained me during my dark days with my own kids.

Kate beautifully describes how by sharing her story, she found her people – other moms walking the same path, wearing the same scars, and the same protective armor. Kate said that by sharing her story, she gave permission for others to share as well. She felt that she healed by helping others, and that she was no longer alone in her family's secret world. My eyes welled up in tears reading her comment, "We are never alone in the struggles we face; we just have to find one another."

There's something powerful about connecting with parents who TRULY understand when you celebrate that your child got their driver's license at 21, when they've made a friend for the FIRST time, or when you share the exhaustion of yet another IEP meeting.

It's so helpful to feel like you're not alone. Having friends who are going through similar struggles means you can share the little wins without having to explain why they matter. You can talk about the hard days without judgment. You can ask for advice from people who've been there.

This community becomes your lifeline – the people who remind you that you're doing a good job when you feel like you're failing, who celebrate your child's unique gifts when the world focuses on their deficits, and who understand that some days, just getting through is enough and the best you can do.

The most courageous thing a parent can do is admit they don't have all the answers and seek out the community that will help them find the way forward.

The Universal Truth

That deer in the clearing and I understood each other perfectly. When I whispered "Hey, Mama. I got you!" – I meant it. We both know what it means to love something so much that we'd do anything – even the hardest things – to keep it safe.

You know that feeling too. Trust it. It's leading you exactly where your child needs you to go.

Whether your child needs the intensive support described in Autism Out Loud or different kinds of help along their journey, the mama bear instinct remains the same: fierce, protective, and willing to do whatever it takes.

Trust your mama bear heart. It knows the way. And remember – you are not alone in this. Sometimes we just need to find each other in the clearing and whisper, "Hey, Mama. I got you!"

If this resonated with you, please share with friends, to expand our community of those who “Get it.” And, if you want to talk, I’m here. Just email me at jennifer@teamcrossbridge.com.