Trusting your Child’s School or Program Requires Positive Intensions, Repair, & Grace
A few years ago, I was supporting a family through their child’s transition to a therapeutic program. It was a good program with great staff and a solid reputation, and it was the right fit for the student.
But two weeks in, a staff member said something that didn’t sit right. It wasn’t abusive or out of line, it was just “off.” And it rattled them.
The parents panicked. Their daughter had finally started to settle in, and now all of their anxiety came rushing back: Did we make the right choice? What if this happens again? Is our child safe?
I get it. Even living on a boarding school campus, where my child’s teachers are our neighbors, I have moments when I worry that he’s not being seen. If he were halfway across the country and his mental health was fragile? It would be difficult to relax and trust.
Trusting a school or therapeutic program with your child can be unnerving. You’re asking strangers to care for and understand your most cared for human.
But a trusting partnership among the adults is really the only way that our kids have the chance to grow and transform in their new environment.
Here’s how to make it work:
Presuming Positive Intentions
This is not the same as pretending everything is fine when it’s not. I’m not suggesting you ignore your gut or downplay your concerns. But when something feels off, it is helpful to start from the belief that most people are doing their best.
That staff mess-up? It’s likely a misunderstanding, not malice.
That missed email? Probably human error, not negligence.
Presuming positive intentions doesn’t mean staying silent. It means entering the conversation with curiosity instead of accusation.
“Help me understand …” is still some of my favorite language for opening a conversation with curiosity.
Or you could try: “Hey, I’m feeling a little out of the loop—can we talk through what happened when … ?”
Making Room for Repair
Every good school or program will make mistakes. Without exception.
They will miss something. They will phrase something poorly. They will make a decision you disagree with. They will drop a ball.
Trust isn’t about never making a mistake. It’s about how we handle the repair. Does the team circle back? Do they own their part? Do they listen and adjust?
Trust is built in the moments when things fall apart a little … and the relationship holds anyway.
Part of this repair is also looking at ourselves and owning where we might have stepped poorly. Did we let our own anxiety get the better of us? Were we sharper than we meant to be? How can we make that right?
Extending Grace (Without Lowering the Bar)
Grace doesn’t mean letting things slide. It means allowing for the reality that everyone involved (families, staff, students, leadership, etc.) is human. We all read too quickly, overreact, and go to bed with items still on our to-do lists.
Grace is simply making space for connection instead of conflict. When we trust each other enough to show up honestly (this is that authenticity piece of the trust equation), we make better choices for our kids because we’re doing it collaboratively.
Extending grace is when you say to a therapist, “I know you care about my kid … and thing X isn’t working for us. Can we talk about how to make it better?”
It’s when a staff member says to a parent, “I should’ve handled that differently; I appreciate you bringing it to my attention.”
Ready for the tough one?
It’s when you stop trying to control every outcome and instead focus on staying in relationship. Not agreement. Not perfection. Just staying connected through the hard parts.
In the meantime, here’s your reminder: You can ask hard questions and stay in connection. You can expect high standards and assume positive intent. You can trust the process—even when it’s messy.