Learning as a change process: The 3 P’s of friction and growth

As educators, administrators, [and families], we are tasked with the privilege of facilitating the learning process of our students. In that facilitation, it’s easy to get so caught up in the acquisition of knowledge or the process of problem-solving that we forget that learning is fundamentally a change process. As we learn, humans are building new neural pathways, changing habits, perspectives, and levels of awareness. True change is rarely a smooth, linear ride. Instead, it is a process full of duality, tension, and friction. It requires a delicate cooperation between things that might seem at odds at first glance.

Whether a parent or classroom teacher, tutor or coach, it’s helpful for anyone who is guiding a learner to understand that they are actually driving a change process.

To make sense of this journey, we’ve developed a framework that offers a clear roadmap. In this three-part series, the focus begins with the foundation: The 3 P’s—Presence, Pacing, and Process.

1. Presence: Balancing Drive and Nurture

Presence is all about how a leader or educator shows up. It’s the energy brought into a room, a classroom, or a home. This is particularly crucial for students who have historically struggled—those for whom school environments have felt like places of anxiety or failure.

To create lasting change, leaders must show up with two seemingly opposing forces: Drive and Nurture.

Drive is the football coach on the sideline: “Go get ’em, we can win this, let’s push through.” It’s the push for students to do more than they thought possible.
Nurture is kneeling down next to the player who just twisted an ankle: “It’s alright, we’re going to get you there. This is just a bump in the road.” It’s the steady hand that lifts a student up when they feel overwhelmed.

*“The key is learning what a student needs at any given moment and meeting them there.”*

Effective teaching requires both. Teachers and parents who naturally trend toward Drive risk exhausting people and missing basic humanity. Likewise, leaning entirely into Nurture can protect comfort at the expense of growth. Co-teachers or parenting partners have a distinct advantage here, as they can play off each other—one driving while the other nurtures, switching roles as the situation demands. The key is learning what a student needs at any given moment and meeting them there.

The Takeaway: Recognize which energy comes naturally, observe what the learner needs in the moment, and practice modulating between both forces.

2. Pacing: The Dance of Motion and Reflection

Change processes need a rhythmic balance between Motion and Reflection to stick.

Initial learning can be created through motion alone—doing, experimenting, writing, building, or practicing. But motion without reflection is fleeting. That is the student who crams for a test, gets an A, and forgets everything by Tuesday. Reflection is where the learning actually integrates.

This balance is highly visible in Reggio Emilia-inspired early childhood programs. These environments utilize "provocations"—putting materials out and simply letting the learning happen. For example, a class might go on a nature scavenger hunt, bring back grass and flowers, and find paint chips on the table. Without explicit instructions to match colors, the children are left to experiment. That is Motion.

The Reflection happens later. Teachers document the process, take photos, and listen to the conversations. Afterward, they sit down with the kids, show them the photos, and ask guiding questions: “What were you thinking right here? What did you see that made you say that?” This simple act makes the learning visible to the students, converting a fluid activity into permanent knowledge.

*“‘What were you thinking right here? What did you see that made you say that?”*’ *This simple act makes the learning visible to the students, converting a fluid activity into permanent knowledge.”*

In the book Brain Rules, developmental molecular biologist John Medina notes that revisiting learning roughly 90 to 120 minutes after it happens dramatically strengthens retention. Medina suggests that an ideal school setup would even repeat the morning’s concepts in the afternoon.

How to apply this at any level:

For younger kids: Use a photograph, a drawing, or a simple question about their process later in the day.
For older students: Design lessons where they re-teach content to peers, or utilize intentional exit tickets.
For parents: Ask a child how they solved a problem in any context--educational or real world, emphasizing process rather than the outcome.

The takeaway: Allow for an informational absorption process to occur, and the pause to debrief a project thoroughly before rushing into the next strategic goal in order to solidify and support retention.

3. Process: Exuberance and Editing

Every great learning and change process has a stage of Exuberance and a stage of Editing. In psychology, this is known as divergent and convergent thinking.

Exuberance (Divergent Thinking): This is the fan-out phase. It’s brainstorming with no limits, generating ideas, and tapping into pure joy and buy-in.
Editing (Convergent Thinking): This is the funnel phase. It’s taking that massive wall of ideas and narrowing it down to what is workable, structured, and appropriate.

In progressive education classrooms, master teachers often utilize this by co-creating the curriculum with their students at the start of a term. The first week is pure exuberance: students throw every theme, song, poem, and life issue they care about onto the board. Then, through discussion and dialogue, the group prunes that list down to a few major units. Because the students see their ideas honored in the exuberant phase, they willingly buy into the structured editing phase that follows.

True creativity and growth live in the cycle between the two.

Exuberance with no editing is chaos. Editing with no exuberance is a worksheet.

*“Asking what matters first taps into that initial joy, which can then be collaboratively edited into a functional plan.”*

Whether designing a school curriculum, leading a staff development meeting, or establishing new routines at home, leading with rigid rules can stifle engagement. Asking what matters first taps into that initial joy, which can then be collaboratively edited into a functional plan.

The Takeaway: In this step, students balance creative expression with organizational competence to realize their goals.

Looking Ahead

As educators, school leaders, and families evaluate the growth opportunities of the learners in their care, three critical balances warrant consideration:

Is the environment providing the right mix of Drive and Nurture?
Is enough Reflection allowed to follow the Motion?
Does the planning process balance Exuberance and Editing?

In the next post, the series will explore how these three foundation stones connect to the real catalyst of the framework: A-Squared: Where Action Meets Accommodation.

Rebekah Jordan, M.Ed., is founder and partner at Crossbridge Consulting, where she helps families navigate school placement, therapeutic programs, and the decisions that come with a child who needs something different.