Parenting strategies for when your child struggles with depression or anxiety.

theThe Therapeutic ProcessParenting Strategies and Support

Oct 25

Create Open Lines of Communication

Create a safe space where your teen can talk without judgment. Approach conversations with curiosity, as opposed to accusation or correction.

Instead of: "What's wrong with you?" Try: "I've noticed you seem down lately. I'm here if you want to talk."

Instead of: "You need to snap out of this." Try: "It seems like things have been really hard. Can you help me understand what you're going through?"

Instead of: "Why don't you hang out with your friends anymore?" Try: "I've noticed you're spending more time alone. Is everything okay?"

Instead of: "You have nothing to be sad about." Try: "I can see you're struggling. Your feelings are real and they matter."

Listen without interrupting. Nod, use small verbal cues. After they finish, summarize what you heard, demonstrating understanding and giving them a chance to clarify.

Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. If you're concerned about depression, ask directly: "Have you been having thoughts about hurting yourself?" Asking about suicide does not plant the idea; rather, it opens the door for help.

Other important questions: "What's the hardest part of your day right now?" "Do you feel safe at school? At home?" "Is there anything specific making you feel this way, or does everything just feel heavy?"

If they don't want to talk: Let them know you're available: "I get that you might not want to talk right now. Just know I'm here anytime if you change your mind. No judgment, just listening."

Practice What You Preach - Actions Mean More Than Words

Your teen is always watching how you handle stress and frustration, even when you don't realize it. When you stay calm during challenging situations (work stress, a traffic jam, or a family conflict) you're teaching them powerful coping strategies. Conversely, if you frequently lose your temper, catastrophize, or spiral into anxiety, your teen learns that's how to respond to stress.

It sounds cliche, but practice what you preach. If you tell your teen that sleep, exercise, and healthy eating matter for mental health, they need to see you prioritizing these things too. Get enough sleep instead of staying up late scrolling on your phone. Make time for physical activity, even if it's just a walk around the block.

Show self-compassion when you make mistakes. If you burn dinner, miss a work deadline, or lose your patience with your teen, model healthy self-talk: "I messed up, but I'm human and I'll do better next time" rather than "I'm such an idiot." Your teen needs to see that mistakes don't define you and that beating yourself up isn't productive.

Talk about your own challenges in ways that acknowledge they're difficult but keep them in perspective. Share how you're coping: "Work has been really stressful this week, so I'm making sure to take breaks and talk to my friend about it" or "Money is tight right now, which is worrying, but we have a plan and we'll get through it." This normalizes struggle while demonstrating resilience and problem-solving.

Most importantly, show that asking for help is normal, not shameful. Talk openly about seeking support when you need it—whether that's calling a friend when you're overwhelmed, seeing a therapist, asking your partner for help with household tasks, or consulting an expert about a problem you can't solve alone. Let your teen hear you say things like "I've been struggling with this, so I'm going to talk to someone who can help me figure it out."

Address Screen Time and Social Media Use

Don't just grab your teen's phone and hide it—that approach only creates more anxiety, resentment, and sneaking around. Instead, take a collaborative approach.

Start by setting a good example with your own screen time. If you're constantly scrolling through your phone at dinner or checking work emails at midnight, your teen will do the same. Model the behavior you want to see. Have honest conversations about social media's pros and cons: acknowledge that it helps them stay connected with friends and express themselves, while also discussing the research on mental health impacts, the addictive design of these platforms, and how curated posts don't reflect reality.

Create screen-free times that apply to the whole family, not just your teen. Establish rules like no phones after 9 p.m., during meals, or in the car when you're together. Make bedrooms phone-free zones at night. Charge devices in a common area so late-night scrolling doesn't interfere with sleep.

Ask your teen how different platforms make them feel: Does Instagram leave them feeling inadequate? Does TikTok help them relax or keep them up too late? Does Snapchat create pressure to maintain streaks? These conversations help them develop awareness of how technology affects their mood and mental health.

It’s encouraging news that nearly half of teens have already tried to cut back on social media use, so they may be more open to limits than you think. Many are recognizing the negative impacts themselves and want help setting boundaries. Frame this as supporting their goals, not controlling them.

Avoid Enabling Avoidance

When teens get anxious or depressed, their natural response is to withdraw from social situations, from activities they once enjoyed, from anything that feels uncomfortable or triggering. As a parent, your instinct is to protect them from situations that cause distress. You might let them skip the party, stay home from school, or drop out of activities "just until they feel better." However, research shows this accommodation actually makes anxiety and depression worse, not better. Each time a teen avoids something difficult, the avoidance is reinforced and the fear or discomfort grows stronger.

My graduate training in the SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) intervention underscores this principle. The most effective approach is to show empathy and understanding for your teen's emotions while still maintaining appropriate boundaries and gently encouraging them to engage in healthy behaviors. You can acknowledge "I know going to that birthday party feels really hard right now" while also holding the expectation that they go. Help them understand that discomfort is temporary and that facing fears with support actually builds confidence and shows them they're more capable than they think.

Equally important is how you respond when things don't go perfectly. Praise effort, not just outcomes. If your teen goes to the party but leaves early, or tries out for the team but doesn't make it applaud their willingness to try. Say "I'm really proud that you put yourself out there even though it was scary" rather than focusing on the disappointment of the outcome.

Teach and Practice Coping Strategies

Give your teen tools to manage stress:

Breathing exercises: Box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4) or 3-3-6 breathing
Mindfulness and meditation: Try apps like Headspace or Calm
Physical activity: Exercise works
Creative outlets: Drawing, painting, journaling, music
Visualization: Help them identify a mental "safe place"

Consider joining a yoga or meditation class together on the weekend, in person or virtually. This teaches coping skills while strengthening your connection and showing that stress management matters for everyone.

Practice when they're calm, so these tools are ready when things get hard.

Practice Gratitude

To me, practicing gratitude can fundamentally shift the way you see the world. It's like putting on a new pair of glasses. When you view things through a lens of gratitude, suddenly, you notice good things that were always there, but somehow invisible before. When you pay attention to the good moments, your brain begins to rewire itself, actively seeking out the positive alongside the challenges. And this isn't the same as seeing things through rose-colored glasses, it's actually more grounded and realistic. You're not pretending everything is perfect or ignoring what's difficult. Instead, you're training yourself to see the full picture: the struggles and the gifts, the pain and the moments of grace. This shift in perspective doesn't just change how you feel in isolated moments; it changes your baseline, your default way of moving through life.

Practice gratitude as a family in ways that feel authentic, not forced. This might look like sharing one good thing from the day at dinner, keeping a family gratitude jar where everyone adds notes throughout the week, or simply modeling grateful language in everyday conversation: "I'm grateful we have each other" or "I appreciate how hard you're working on this." Research shows that gratitude provides direct psychological benefits for teens, it shifts focus from what's wrong to what's working, fosters positive emotions, and helps build resilience against depression and anxiety.

Create Moments of Connection

In other blogs, I've written about creating intentional moments of connection. These don't have to be big. Some of the best conversations happen in the car, while cooking dinner together, or on a walk. These casual, side-by-side moments often work better than formal sit-down talks. Less pressure, more openness.

Be Observant

Stay alert. Look out for signs of self-harm, which can be unexplained cuts, burns, or scratches, especially on arms, legs, or torso. Notice if your teen wears long sleeves in warm weather or is increasingly secretive about their body.

Pay attention to isolation. Are they withdrawing from friends and family? Spending excessive time alone? Stopped doing activities they loved?

Keep connected with the parents of your teen's peers. This network provides perspective on what's normal versus concerning. Other parents can alert you to issues you might miss, and you can do the same for them.

Reduce Unnecessary Pressure

Be mindful of the pressure you're adding—about grades, college applications, sports, appearance. Focus on effort and progress, not perfection.

Avoid adding to stress with comments like "College deadlines are coming up," "Don't you need to study for finals?" or "Have you done your SAT/ACT test prep?" They're already feeling the pressure and blaming themselves.

Remember that depression is an illness. If your teen had the flu, you'd give them a break. While it's important to encourage participation in life, recognize when they need extra support and grace.

Know When to Seek Professional Help

Watch for warning signs that persist for two weeks or more. Signs of depression include extreme irritability, inability to handle stress, trouble getting along with family and friends, lost interest in activities they once enjoyed, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep patterns or appetite, and feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness. Signs of anxiety include panic attacks (episodes of sudden, intense fear), excessive worry about social acceptance, crippling fear about the future, and physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat, sweating, or difficulty breathing.

If your teen shows six or more depression signs or five or more anxiety signs, reach out for professional support. As therapeutic educational consultants, we are experts in understanding the full spectrum of treatment options and are here to help you navigate the best path forward for your family.

Don't wait if your teen talks about suicide, engages in self-harm, or shows signs of substance abuse. These situations require immediate professional intervention.