Rituals in Schools: Why “Not Much” Is Actually a Lot
One of the most common things I hear from parents in September is the concern that: “School is fine, but it doesn’t seem like they’re doing much yet.”
And I get it. Those first few weeks often seem like an endless stream of name games, ice breakers, review activities, and overly simplified work. It’s easy to assume this means learning isn’t happening. There are very few substantive things for parents to look at, and what does come home looks like work they did last year. But if you peel back the surface, those quiet early weeks are often some of the most important of the year.
The Work Beneath the Work
Seasoned educators often use the phrase “go slow to go fast” when talking about the start of the school year. (Responsive Classroom is one of the big proponents of this idea, but you’ll find it referenced across various educational resources.)
Teachers know that learning doesn’t stick without safety, belonging, and shared expectations. The start of school is about building those foundations. It’s about teaching students not just what to learn, but how to learn in community.
And when I say “the start of school,” I’m talking not just about the first six days, but the first six weeks. When I was a school principal, this was something that even my teachers would balk at. “You want us to spend how much time building culture?!” (In their heads, months of carefully planned lessons were slipping through their fingers.)
In reality, I wasn’t asking them to ONLY build culture for those first six weeks. I was certainly anticipating that they’d be teaching skills and content as well. But I did want the culture building to continue with intention throughout the year, not just the first few days.
Think of rituals as the anchors that keep your ship moored around a central point.
Rituals as Anchors
Like they are in families, rituals in schools are powerful anchors. They foster belonging, reduce anxiety, and make classrooms predictable enough that students feel safe to take risks.
When rituals are present, kids learn that school is more than a production line of worksheets and grades. It’s also a community. When rituals are absent—or when the only message kids receive is that speed and output are what matter—they lose sight of the other half of the equation. Achievement matters, yes. But so does connection. Students need both.
Mary Cowhey, in her book Black Ants and Buddhists, reminds us that classrooms thrive when they are places of connection, community, and justice, not just content delivery.
She describes how even very young students can rise to the occasion when given a caring space: one morning, her second graders arrived buzzing with concern about a big news event: the recent tsunami in Indonesia. By the end of their morning meeting, the students had made a plan, organizing a bake sale to help the survivors. They later drew pictures and made cards as they prepared to carry out their idea. All of this sprang from a routine morning circle that, because of the trust and values in that classroom, became a ritual of compassion and action.
That’s not “not much.” That’s children learning that their voices and choices matter and using their skills in authentic ways.
It can start small: a special handshake at the front door, a shared understanding of how to take care of bugs who wander in from outside, what students do when a classmate is out sick. Over time, these rituals knit classes into communities. They also nurture social-emotional skills like empathy, cooperation, and critical thinking.
What Parents and Providers Can Do
If you’re a parent or a professional partner working with schools, here are a few ways to lean into this perspective:
Reframe your questions. Instead of asking “What did you do in school today?” try “How did your teacher start the day?” or “What moments helped you feel connected?” (And you can certainly follow this up with … “Did they talk about anything you’ll be working on this year?”)
Value process as much as product. Celebrate when your child talks about a class ritual or a sense of belonging. That is learning.
Be patient with the slow start. Remember the “go slow to go fast” principle. The time invested now will pay off later in stronger academics and more resilient, self-reliant learners.
Encourage schools to hold both. If you’re in a position to advocate, remind educators that classrooms need both productivity and community.
The Long View
When parents and providers partner with schools in this way, we send kids a vital message: school is not just about output; it’s about becoming part of something bigger. The rituals of classrooms teach skills that will last long after the spelling rules and multiplication tables are forgotten.
So, if your child tells you they didn’t “do much” this week, smile and ask some different questions. Beneath that shrug is the quiet work of building a culture where learning and connection can take root. And that’s some of the most important work schools have the privilege to do.