Playful by Cas Holman
Blog written by Carly Seibald, SLP
As a pediatric speech therapist, I spend a lot of time playing. Pretend play, structured play, movement and gross motor play, sensory play, and of course language-based play all show up regularly in my clinical work. I am also a parent of two small children, so when I am not supporting play professionally, I am often parenting through play at home.
In my clinical experience, I would argue that play is as critical to development as language and motor skills, and that it deserves the same level of support, intervention, and facilitation. Play is essential for healthy child development, serving as a primary vehicle for learning, cognitive growth, social-emotional development, and physical health. Through play, children build secure relationships, reduce stress, explore their environment, and develop important skills such as problem-solving, empathy, and executive function. It also strengthens brain development and fosters creativity and resilience.
There are countless studies, books, and educational approaches that highlight the tremendous benefits of rich, meaningful play in childhood. I know these benefits to be true not only from my formal education, but also from experience, both with my own children and through my work. What has recently become even clearer to me, however, is how important play remains throughout all stages of childhood, into adolescence, and yes, even into adulthood.
In her new book Playful: How Play Shifts Our Thinking, Inspires Connection, and Sparks Creativity, Cas Holman argues that play is essential for people of all ages: “Play is how we learn to be human, how we learn who we are, how we learn to fail, communicate, love, fight, rebel, desire, build, and survive. At its best, play is life-affirming, soul-sustaining, and mind-expanding.” In a recent Time article excerpting the book, Holman draws on the work of pioneering play therapist Charles Schaefer, citing his position that play facilitates communication, fosters emotional wellness, enhances social relationships, and builds personal strengths. These capacities touch nearly every aspect of mental health, including self-esteem, stress regulation, learning, empathy, and resilience.
After recently listening to Holman’s book, narrated in a delightfully playful way, I found myself feeling inspired to bring more play into my own life. I am moving, thinking, working, and parenting a little differently, and hopefully for the better. I am finding more ways to bring a playful energy into my interactions with others, and those moments feel more connected and more fulfilling.
It may seem silly to be playful with an adolescent child, or even with a group of adults, but small moments of play can bring real benefits. Even simple choices, like hopping or skipping from the car to the front door, can shift the mood and create a moment of connection. Extra points if you remember not to step on a crack! I tried this recently with my son, and even though he is still young, the joy and connection that came from that playful moment were unmistakable. He was surprised that I played instead of just walking. He liked playing instead of walking, too. And as a bonus, we got our heart rates up. A win-win all around.
If jumping down the sidewalk is not your style, or not your teenager’s style, there are many other ways to bring a playful approach into everyday life. Holman describes open-ended, free play as activity without rigid goals, where parents and children can co-explore and create together. Playing side by side, whether building, drawing, dancing, or inventing a game, gives older children a way to express themselves without the pressure of direct questioning or on the spot performance. If you find yourselves at the beach, join your 12-year-old in burying his brother in the sand. Or better yet, work together to see how deep a hole you can dig with the leftover plastic cutlery from lunch.
Stuck in traffic?
Challenge your teen to a quick best-of-five rock-paper-scissors match. It is simple, free, and often surprisingly fun.
Play also helps strengthen relationships. As Holman argues, play is a low-stakes space where adults can step out of the “manager” role and into the role of co-participant, building trust and reducing power struggles with older children. That shift can be especially powerful during the tween and teen years, when connection often matters just as much as guidance.
Play can also support skill-building in older children. A playful mood can improve creativity and collaborative problem-solving in both adults and children, making it a valuable tool for navigating homework, sibling conflict, or family decision-making. It can also help children tolerate failure and give opportunities to watch the adults in their lives do the same, fostering both resilience and emotional safety in the parent-child relationship. Even small moments, like shared laughter or inside jokes, can help children feel seen beyond the common parent-child stress points of grades, chores and social life woes.
I encourage all parents to read Playful: How Play Shifts Our Thinking, Inspires Connection, and Sparks Creativity and consider how it might expand not only their own relationship to play, but also their connection with the people around them. Children of all ages learn through models: through our words, our actions, and our play. As parents and educators, may we continue to model playfulness in the hope that we foster resilience, creativity, and deeper connection in our children. May we release performance anxiety and reconnect with play as a loving and human way of being with children of all ages.
Carly Seibald is a pediatric speech-language pathologist owning and operating a private practice since 2012. After departing the NYC private school scene, Carly moved to Upstate, NY where she offers individualized therapy and consulting services. Carly enjoys working closely with parents, teachers and therapists to promote learning and engagement throughout a child’s whole world.